What the world of "single in your mid-life" is really about...from where I stand (er...sit)

...and here we go...

2010-01-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

I'm in a surprisingly good mood today...the past couple of days actually...and I figured it was about time I shared it with y'all!

So, the last few posts were less than up to my standards, I would love to say that some crazy chick hijacked my computer, but alas...it was I. Eh, you win some you lose some, and for the last few months I was losing a lot.

But it's a new day, and at the risk of sounding cliche, a new year...and I am feeling pretty darn good about things. :) :) :) Yeah...I did smiley faces, what of it?

So, what you really want to hear is what's going on in the whole "dating" thing right...well here's a quick run down:

April: met him! :)
First Impression: there was something about him...something "safe"? Or, just sincere, he was quiet, which obviously was a plus (I LIKE TO TALK YO!) He had this way of making you feel special, he had this little twinkle in his eye when he looked at me, and I made him visibly nervous on a few occasions, which I loved, etc. It's hard to explain. I saw him as no more than a friend, although I did make some comments while under the influence of choice vodka about kissing him "cause I thought he probably deserved to be kissed by a girl like me." God I love it when I'm cocky...
June: kissed him, went for it...the timing was oh so right and I was very confident that he wanted me to...it was raining, pouring down rain, perfect warm summer storm, and we kissed out there in the street for quite some time, he was smiling so much that he was struggling to keep his lips where they should be...classic, dudes, just classic.
Second Impression: We instantly started spending A LOT of time together...not like me to jump like that, but it was fun and happy & feel goody ALL THE TIME. We stayed up late and woke up early and talked and laughed and I thought for the first time in a long time...Holy Moly this could, at some point down the road be L...Loo...Luub...ugh...Love. He led me to believe...scratch that, he told me that his heart was free, open, available. That he had been single for 5 years, no girlfriends, no nothing. That he had no skeletons, blah blah blah. ;) He was and is, a very very sweet boy and everything about him is what I've thought I would want in a man...well that was my second impression.
July/August: We had an amazing summer, he told me he loved me, I didn't say it back, which became an "issue" of sorts. I was falling for him, but as my last post said, I don't fall in love easily. I love lots of people and lots of things, in fact I love almost everything and can find something lovable in almost everyone, but to be "in love"... relationship "in love" I need to know it / feel it from every inch of my body. And at this point I started having some doubts. There was something that I couldn't put my finger on that was "wrong". There was this disconnected feeling, a sense that maybe he was holding onto something, or harboring something in his heart that he wasn't opening up to me about. There was me keeping it silent, thinking I knew what (who) it was and what was wrong, but one of my personal rules is to never make someone do something (in this case share something) for my benefit, and him opening up would have benefited me greatly, but I refuse to be selfish in relationships. I've never asked someone to do things in a relationship because I have always stood the ground of, "do I want them to do it because I asked, or because they wanted to?" I only want people to share themselves with me because they want to, not because I "made them". I've seen friends tell guys they wished they would say "I love you" or wished they would propose to them. Ick. Don't tell me you love me because I asked you to, don't do anything in our relationship because I asked you to...for the love of God, please. I'm ranting, sorry...but something was amiss...

(dun dun duuunnnn...)

Get ya some!

2010-01-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

A few things before we get started:
1. I'm finally listening to that little voice who tells me "don't be some hopeless romantic idiot"!!! No matter how much you want it to be right, no matter how much you think it should be right...if it ain't right, it ain't right. If you have doubts, it's for a reason...don't try to make it work if it isn't just what you need, just be alone, or find what you need.
2. I have had to explain to people, quite a bit lately, that my heart is much different than most peoples...MUCH. It's not a good thing, it's not a bad thing, it just IS.

I don't fall in love easily, love at first sight is a fairy-tale, it's sweet, and romantic & I am all about that, and sometimes what you think is LOVE at first site turns into REAL LOVE, but rarely...anyone can be in love when things are new and fun & giddy, anyone can turn a fantasy into love in their minds, I can't believe I am in love until shit hits the fan and the guy and I are holding each other giggling with a blanket over our heads keeping us safe. ;) (problem is most of the time when shit hits the fan...the guys I have been with wanna stand in the shit and fight about who's fault it is that the shit got up to the fan in the first place...lame.
People find it strange that I am able to be good friends with my ex's... I have NO problems healing my heart & moving on, this tends to shock people or they don't believe it. Recently broke up, my buddy Troy looked at me with puppy eyes and said, "are you so sad, you seem really happy, but when you are alone do you cry all the time?" I laughed, "Yes, I'm sad. Yes, I cried. But yes, I am really okay and happy." He didn't believe it...and I know why, most people hold on to the idea of a relationship for month, years...sometimes a life time. I can't/won't do it, I have gotten VERY good at healing my heart...call me insensitive, but I assure you it's not. If it's over it's over, I will do my grieving quickly and then pull my big girl panties up and get to living!! All you have is this moment, don't live in fantasies, or mourning over the past...it's over, all you have is now. :)
Another thing that came up in my conversation with Troy (eternally single Troy) was "Why can't you make a relationship last more than 6 months." Point taken Troy-Boy, and here's what I told him... How many relationships last? Two people meet, what are the honest odds that those two people are going to be together forever...PAINFULLY SLIM. Most marriages don't last, the divorce rate is 60% now, so dating, well there's no promise of commitment there and walking away is a free and easy option, dating is a trial run, I guess if I don't like the product after 6 months, I send it back for a refund. Now, I'm sounding cold, I assure you I don't see the guys I am dating as merchandise...but I hope you get the point.
And my final observation...I may be one of the only people left in my dating age range with an open heart...see bullet point number 2. ALMOST every (not every, but almost every) person I meet has their heart all tied up in someone from their past...I will/would not put myself out there as available to date, if my heart wasn't free and clear for the taking. It's whole & healthy & open & strong. Nobody is in there but me and my two kids and damn it, that is something that I can be proud of, who ever gets it will be a lucky SOB, and I'm not ashamed to sound cocky about it, it wasn't easy, and most people will never be able to offer that to someone.

Now, are you ready for some relationship dig? HeeHeee...Robyn's in the mood to write and she's got some good stuff to dish...I have my reservations on how fair it is of me to do this, but I'm shameless...

I really should not be posting today...

2009-12-14T10:54:00.000-08:00

Because I am in a "mood"...not a bad one, not a good one...just a "mood". I'm stressed, but not sure what exactly is causing it (its hard to pick from the list of options)...things feel horrible, and I feel like laughing about it. I think they call this crazy, but who knows.
Okay, I really really shouldn't be posting today...let's try this again tomorrow.

...we find the strangest ways of punishing ourselves, don't we? I do...or did, hopefully I can say "did".

Wow, this blog has become so un-funny, I'm ashamed of myself... I better go find a way to punish myself for it. ;)

I rant...I appologize. ;)

2009-11-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

This one’s been bouncing around in here for a while now. Thinking about what attracts men to women in general, things I know have attracted men to me..I started noticing all these REDICULOUS things that seem to be a pattern that this girl can no longer take part in. I can’t be the only one who finds this comical right??

I then, out of left field remembered a book my mom (and apparently MILLIONS of other women) was reading & following like a bible of sorts about 10 years ago. I could picture the cover perfectly, I remembered the name, and the nauseating feeling I got in my stomach when I read a few pages of it. I had to call up my mom and make her dig out the old book, and send me the vomit inducing list of chapters…they were just as bad as I remember, for the most part. ;) The book is called “The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” (Call me easily amused, but that cracks me up!)

The conversation with my mom was hilarious, she, wanting all of her children to be in love, was hoping that I was inquiring because I was going to change my ways and had decided to “snag me a perfectly good man through the trickery of this gay ass book” (my quote, not hers). She was almost giddy that I was inquiring, but laughed in a very unsurprised way when I informed her that I was not even the least bit interested in learning how to trick a man into loving me, I wanted to see the list so I could make fun of it, call it out for what it was, and tear it apart…orally. ( I said “orally” unnecessarily, because this is written…it was mildly good for me.)

I have knowingly & unknowingly done a few of the things we are about to talk about…okay, I’ll be honest, I still to this day have never read this book and was unknowingly A PRO at some of this stuff. I’ve had my siren days with the best of ‘em. I really should do more research before writing this, like maybe read what the pages following the chapter titles say, but who cares…let’s fly by the seat of my pants and just make some stuff up as we go.

Also, there are 35 chapters…let’s just start with the first 5 tonight.

My momma’s email was too cute not to share her side of things. Chapters in black, momma in purple, robyn in green…can ya dig?

Ok, that was fast, I found it.

You are going to die laughing, because most of these you will never ever be able to do.
I will put a ** by the ones I think you will struggle with. HA!

1) Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other" ..... Now this you will have NO problem with : )
Thank you momma…I think. ;) (for those of you who don’t know, I am the definite black sheep of my family) I can totally and completely get with this first rule, but if someone has to tell you to be unique…I’m gonna guess you’re screwed on this chapter. Do you suppose they go into detail on how you should act?? (I seriously just gagged…it’s the third time today, no joke, real gagging, it’s weird and painful. The other two you ask? Jess’s DISGUSTING toothpaste, and a story about a bug makin’ babies under my skin.) What happened to “you are unique, you’re beautiful, you are the only you there is…be YOU. All these “creatures” walking around trying too hard to be just like this book told them to be…creeeeepyyyy (by the way Millions upon Millions of copies of this book have been sold, it’s a disease I tell ya, a disease) 0 for 1 What we need to rename this chapter is: Be yourself, don’t put up a front that will only lead him to be disappointed in you in the future. Care about liking you way more than you care about what he thinks of you.

2) Don't talk to a man first (and don't ask him to dance) ** (mommas asterisks…pay attention ;)

Thank you momma, you’re right, if I want to talk to the dude, I’ll talk to him…if I want to dance with him, he better come with some moves. ;) The things about this book that I think have my panties so awkwardly shoved up my crack, are this. 1. You are telling women who to be. 2. You are telling them to play head games (and I can’t take it anymooooore….eghhm, sorry) 3. What happens when they follow all these rules, act like they are “suppose to act” snag the handsome, rich, or handsomely rich fella, and then, much to his surprise, shortly after walking down the aisle (Ga-Damn it…I gagged again!) ;) the real you comes out and he no love you no more??? 4. And this is the one that really makes me laugh…the stupid book works. I’m telling you, it’s the fact that all of this is true that really drives me bat shit crazy (still have no idea where that phrase come from…still love that phrase.) I don’t want to play head games, they aren’t real, they create very temporary feelings, but because they aren’t based on anything but “creating fake feelings” it’s short lived & NOT the real deal that I am after, but I have played them and my good god do they work. What’s a girl to do? What we need to rename this chapter is: Don’t throw yourself at guys, and don’t talk to them unless you have something really good to say, and dance with whoever you want whenever you want, dancing feels good.

3) Don't stare at men or talk too much *** ha ha

Hahaha!!! I know! Do they mean stare at other men while you are with your dude you snatched by messing with his head, or don’t stare at the man you are trying to snatch by messing with his head?? Anyone?? Eh, who cares, mom’s right…I’m screwed in the talking dept anyways. What we need to rename this chapter is: Staring’s not polite, he may think he has a large snot ball on his face, and making him uncomfortable won’t make him like you, only talk if you have something good to say.

4) Don't meet him halfway or go dutch on a date.

Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Craaaaaaaap… that’s what I think of this chapter. Chapter 4 makes me want to tell every dude who will read this blog to unite, open your eyes, and not fall for this craaaap. I know exactly why they want us ladies to do this, and all of their reasons are crap to me. But again, this freaking rule works too. I should start getting cats now. I don’t need someone to buy me dinner. I am about as far from a feminist as I am from a pessimist. But this makes me want to take off my bra, grow my leg hair out and start yelling crazy shit at people. I’m gonna guess there isn’t a chapter advising that…we could misconstrue their point and do all that in honor of Chapter 1. ;) What we need to rename this chapter is: You want love? Be willing to be an equal part of the team. Let him buy if he offers, and be gracious about it, but you also need to be willing to hold up your own end of things.

5) Don't call him and rarely return his calls.

Oh my goodness, HEAD GAME…a fantastic, fantastic little head game at that. Notice my mom knows I’m capable of this one…the woman imbedded this in my brain from the minute I learned how to rotary dial. This makes silly boys hearts all a flutter, they get that wonderfully painful feeling in their chest. They can’t stop thinking about you. The idea behind this little rule is the harder you seem to catch, the more they will pine, and they will pine. Women use this rule in so many fantastically clever ways…I have seen it daily, my entire life. I can’t get with it anymore. I don’t want to trick someone into wanting more of me. If I want to talk to someone, about anything…I will be straight forward enough with them to call them. If someone calls me, I will happily return their call. Oh, I don’t know, cause it’s like decent ‘n stuff. ;) What we need to rename this chapter is: Don’t throw yourself at him, maintain your own life, maintain your own schedules, you won’t have to pretend that you are far too busy to take his calls.

Okay, I suppose that is enough for one evening. Nolte once told me I was “far too independent to ever be loved. Guys want to feel needed ‘n stuff” (I wish that was a direct quote…heehee…it’s not, but that’s the jist (sp?) of it. And he’s probably right. The thing is, I want to be taken care of, I just don’t need to be taken care of…somebody out there’s gotta appreciate that.

Alright, I’m sleepy, that was good for me, was it good for you?

Who loves ya?

~robyn~

Same old blog...Whole new set of rules...

2009-11-10T16:50:00.000-08:00

1. My blog...MINE. What this means is, the blog will be what it is...if you don't like it, please, please for my conscience and yours don't read it. What very few people realize is that I write because it feels good, period. If what I'm writing is making anyone feel bad, it will break my heart, and nobody wants that...well maybe a few people but...

2. On that note, I have intentions of this new version of the blog having a little different feel to it. Time has passed, things have changed. I understand their are some concerns about it not being funny anymore...I'm not yet convinced it ever was all that "funny"...but as I've mentioned before that word has a few definitions. It was strange. ;) This blog will be funny, but instead of being funny like "I go in to hug you and kick you in the nuts (everyone seeing me as a jerk & only those with similarly twisted senses of humor laughing-aka the old blog) It will be more like "I go in to hug you and slide my tongue across your face" (you're slightly appalled, or possibly aroused, but we all laugh-aka the new blog) Dig it?

3. I won't be going on dates with random boys...that ship has sailed, and although I enjoyed the material it gave me, it was a bit...well, I don't have the word for what it was...but I'm OVER IT. ;)

4. I will be observing people, the world & myself just as I always do...and use this blog as an external version of my internal dialog...that so freakin' dangerous it's not even funny. But people are strange, I am strange, and the more time I spend living "single" (holy crap I, no lie, just sang that like the theme song...what the what?!?) the more I realize how much there is I could be spewing onto this page.

5. That's all for now, but while I'm on this "MY BLOG...MINE!" power trip ;) I will reserve the right to add delete or completely demolish this little list of rules at any given time...I'm ever changing, and now, so will this blog.

6. And as my lover Ben Taylor's mom so eloquently put it..."you're so vain, I bet you think this blog is about you." Please, please, please don't assume that anything I am writing is about you...unless it makes you feel good...and then assume away! ;)

7. It's not really a rule, but something that might gain me some of your patience...I don't proof read or edit these blogs. I type what I am thinking as I think it, and I hit send. I will ABSOLUTELY look back and wish it said different things, or said things differently...but that's the glory of how I work. It's raw, it's real, it's unpolished...not to be confused with unpolish, it's a good 50% Polish. Bring on the polish jokes, and throw a couple of blond ones in while your at it, I can laugh at me with the best of 'em! ;)

Sit back, read, enjoy if you can, leave if you can't.

I would really like you to enjoy it, odds are I enjoy you very much...

Now I've got some "my god humans are funny" observations to share...shall we?

If you're new here...

2009-11-09T09:15:00.000-08:00

You really really must start at the beginning...2008 archives, from the bottom to the top...this thing reads well only in order...and blogs just aren't set up for that kind of story telling...eh, blogspot is free...deal with it. ;)

And, my followers deserve a little recognition too, I think I may have had the funniest, crudest, rudest group of followers on this fine site...but they are funny! Read comments on each blog for full entertainment potential!!

And all those juicy stories may be gone soon...get it while you can my friends.

~robyn loves you baby~

The "Farwell" to the old blog debacle...

2009-11-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

I have some very strong feelings about the former "date blog"...I just re-read it all for the first time in a long time, and although I laughed (self entertainment is one of my finest gifts) I also cringed a lot as well.

I'm thinking we need a little blog fan input on this one...so if you are still out there, tell me your feelings on this one.

The survey will be located in the same place they always were...

We are starting a new chapter, it's gonna be a little more insightful (self hype is also one of my finest gifts) there is still going to be some humor at my expense more than any ones, but at other peoples too...there is going to be a whole lot of seeing all the madness of how I view things, the good, the bad & the beautiful that bounces around in my brain at any given moment.

As I previously mention...I've been writing for a while now, there is some definite "catching up to do" on all your parts. So, for those of you who were around for the last little game we played aka "The Date Slut Blog" this survey is really for you!

Do I clean the slate...delete Robyn Bradshaw for eternity
Do I archive it and let it sit for our entertainment for eternity
Do I print copies for those of you who have already requested them & then clean the slate
Do we just pick up where we left off and hope it doesn't confuse new-comers...and there will be new-comers

Let's here it...cause I got some bloggin' to do...stat.

Check, test, check...1,2,3...are my "p's" Popping??... this thing on???

2009-11-09T07:53:00.001-08:00

First, let me start with...I just checked the live feed on this bad boy for the first time in MONTHS...and people are still checking this thing!! DAILY...wow. That's just hilarious to me. That live feed also informed me that one person found their way here by searching "Robyn Ninja Cedar Rapids" ...what I wouldn't give to know who that was...bahaha.

So, I've been writing, just not here. What I'm writing now is even more non-fiction than this little blog was. I was considering starting a new blog to share the whole writing process with whoever out there might actually want to see how it's going. But after logging in today decided maybe using this page would be the best idea anyways.

Time will tell...

~robyn loves you baby~

Where ya been?

2009-03-13T07:53:00.001-07:00

Psst...I'm coming back...and I have six months worth of dating craziness to catch you up on...it's good reading, may not all be good, but it will be good reading for sure!

Coming soon to a blog near you...

2008-11-07T06:43:00.000-08:00

So I will be selling a variety of T-shirts here on the "What's the harm in dating" blog...show your support and place an order now!

Here is the first of many different designs...

(Yes that last man in the evolution line is holding a can of beans.)

Place your orders by email at: robynbradshawdates@hotmail.com

Please indicate size, color & sleeve length.

And please don't overlook the fact that EVERYONE on your Christmas list would love one!

Long Sleeve $30.00
Short Sleeve $25.00

A final farewell...(I have outdone myself in the rude dept.)

2008-11-06T12:26:00.000-08:00

I know for a fact that none of you are going to miss the ninja even in the least bit...and most of you are going to be mad that he is even getting a final farewell...but let's face it, what I am about to share with you is FUNNY (and we all know that the word holds more than one meaning...)
So, none of you guessed correctly on the survey...the answer was D, and here's the proof...(my responses...which I refuse to send to him...will be in black.)
"i bet you did that funny little nose wrinkle thing when you read that. yeah....dont think i didnt notice on our 2 little outings, i just didnt want to comment on it and make you all self conscious about it. (I find my nose wrinkle thing to be quite adorable thank you for noticing.)
about the cutlery...well lets just assume that we're walking down the mall, doing something like lets say....christmas shopping.as we walk down, we're in the middle of conversation, but our automatic piolots will 'draw' us to a certain location.i'm sure yours is prollie something lame like a halmark, or a candle store right? (oh, yes, nothing does it for me more than a good $12.00 card and a $40.00 candle...duh.) for me you would never guess. being a guy, alot would guess its somthing like a computer store, or a sharper image. but no. i got the weirdest one. kitchen stores. or more specifically any store that has kitchen supplies.we'd be in the middle of holding hands, and you'd look at me and say 'uhm...what are we doing here?'. and i couldnt even tell you why. i've got all the kitchen utensils that i need, some that i dont even need at all. but yet, i still am drawn to these sections of the stores like a magnet.more specifically yet...knives. (shocker!! everyone knows that ninja's love knives...I'm no fool.) i'm fascinated by all the different sizes for different jobs, functions, and preperations. its like an ethereal attraction. somthing deep and primal. (and let me guess...you are going to go into a long story to prove just how deep and primal you are...yawn, I will nap while you all read on.) it might have to do with my natural tendencies as an alpha male. from back in the tribal days, the tribal leaders of the pack would be the hunters for their kin. they would go out, use their primitive and brute tools and kill as much as they could haul back to feed their tribe. the younger or lesser males would be out gathering nuts and berries and firewood and other supplies, and when the kills were brought back they would prep them for the tribal leaders. then the tribal leader himself would prepare the meal. but only for himself, and the men of importance in his peers, and what ever's left the women and other followers would scavenge off of and use for sustenance. its a very primal thing that alot of people have really been desensitized to over the hundreds and hundreds of years of human evolution. (I know most of you are no longer reading this...so I am just throwing in a little black ink to keep your attention. You are welcome...I love you too!!) like if there were to be a horrific even ("even"...a "horrific even" you know what I find to be deep...utilizing the primal-super-alpha-male skill of proof reading, what's horrific is your ability to write.) to happen nowadays, and say a family were stuck at home and forced to live off minimal supplies that were in the house. the dinner would say be...a can of beans? by modern day standards the man would give up the beans to his wife and kids, letting them get enough to stay healthy and then take the rest for himself. but that is actually the complete opposite of whats right. because in the even of an attacker, or intrusion, the man of the house, altho considered chivalrous to give up his portion to keep his family alive, wouldnt have the full strength to defend his tribe and could be badly injured or killed by somthing that normally he should have had no problem taking care off. and the healthy wife and child? neither of them have the physical strength to defend the family. but yet...civilization has told us that giving them the beans is the right thing to do.i think i got off track? (him admitting he got off track is the first interesting thing I have read thus far.)alot of times i'll dull the blade on one that i have, or chip it, or it'll get a little rust spot on it from sitting in the dish strainer with a waterspot on it and instead of just fixing it, like sharpening it, or using a little wool to try to buff out the blade. i'll look at it as an excuse to go to the store and look for a whole new set.its a really weird notion why i have this...but its jsut (hmmm...that one doesn't even require proof reading...just one quick click on the old spell check) somthing ethereal that draws me to it.and then there's you. (ahh...the good part, we're gonna talk about ME!) i've pretty much tried to just completely forget about you, blow you off, not correspond with you. (here is where I really start to feel his pain...it must be darn near impossible.) but there's little things that bring me back to think of you. (oh how I wish he would elaborate more on this and less on cans of beans) now dont go and get a big head...(too late!! ;) i know you think you're a 'great catch'...but beauty is a very common thing to me robyn. (passive aggressive compliments are SO my thing...watch it...I'm about two second away from bringing back my favorite phrase..."twatever") whats really rare is a great outlook, energy, personality. you've got 2 out of 3, its a good start. (2?!? NOW I'm really confused. ;) i've held back alot of storys from you, because i thought u might be the kind of person who would be completely turned away by some of the choices i've made in life. but now...i realize that's who i am, and really could give a fuck less. alot of them have to do with some very attractive women i've dated. strippers, dancers, even a few high end escorts.(oh really?!? Tell me more!! What girl wouldn't want to date a man who has acquired and spread every STD in North & Central America?) it all went with the territory and reputation that i had in my pervious life, and i dont appologize for any of it. it was the single greatest life experience that i've ever had, (need I note that sleeping with prostitutes being his single greatest life experience is sad) and at parties i can entertain a room for hours with storys that i would consider to be everyday humdrumb bullshit in my life. (I'm afraid none of my friends would be entertained with your fiction.) everytime i go shopping, and wonder into the kitchen section, (oh...were back in the kitchen section...yay, I think the point might actually be coming!) and i'll sit and stare at the different cutlery sets, and blocks of knives. as much as i want them, and try to justify needing them... in the end i always seem to talk myself out of putting the investment into it. i know how incredibly great it would be to have it...i try to negotiate with my brain and say it'll make my life easier to have it. (I am pretty sure I don't make any ones lives easier...happier? absolutely.)think of all the fun things i could do with them. (just threw up a bit) all the different ways that i could use them. (just threw up a lot)*the last two dont necessarily apply to you...or do they?*(Insert dramatic "du du dunnn!!!" sound effect here.)so in the end...i just wish that the knives could jump off the shelf, and shout at me like i were in a fucking cartoon. and have all sorts of little knives and sets hopping around at my feet shouting reasons why i should take them home that day in little high pitched mini voices. (I'm not going to say a word...I'm just going to give you all "a look"...which you can't see because this is a blog, but most of you can imagine.) so what i'm really trying to say is...be a cartoon knife robyn. give me a reason to stick around. and not the large rack or dsl's. (wow, wow, wow, wow. This whole alpha male thing works really well on the "dancers & high end escorts" because they all need male acceptance...the poor girls needed a good daddy growing up to tell them their faults and then tell them why they were "gonna love 'em anyways kid!" ... That b.s. doesn't fly at my house. I will not...let this be a warning...respect ANYONE, any more than they respect me...and I will not ever need to give a guy a list of reasons why he should want to date me...and EVERYONE knows, I rarely ever shout "pick me" in little high pitched voices, I save that for when I am in the crowd on the Price is Right. And about the rack and dsl's, if you can't appreciate the humor in that list...well, eat a friggin' can of green beans.)
p.s.i think its really cute how c2 is your little compliment monkey. did u use little pieces of banana tied to a string to get him to do it, or did it just come naturally?does he jump thru hoops for you too?i'd pay a dollar to see that." (actually eat two cans...)
Oh...and best of luck with everything...you know Steve Urkle grew up to be a nice respectable man...we all still have high hopes for you.

Things that make ya go "hmmmm..."

2008-10-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

So after not hearing from C1 for over a week or so, I get a random email from him...
Could be that he was just hoping I would blog about him, and me never being one to disappoint (especially someone who I still feel guilt about) Here I am...blogging about the ninja once again.
So, here is the email sequence:
C1: "Do you know why you suck?"
Robyn: "Not yet, but I have a feeling you are going to tell me..."
C1: "Because you're like a new set of cutlery."
HUH?!?
Alright, please...PLEASE comment back with what you think could be the translation of this little exchange of emails...reason and definition...and make em funny!
You know what I really mean right...that I love ya!
~robyn bradshaw yo!~
P.S. The 4 best comments with a take on what this means will go in a poll so you can vote on the fan favorite!! :)

Matt you should know better...

2008-10-23T14:19:00.001-07:00

Nothing is sacred with me...and this is just too funny to not share.

So, this is Katie's brother Matt, he had asked me on a date and we were going to do the doubles thing with Carl & Katie next time he was up in the Q.C. area...but I have a work convention in Lake Geneva that weekend so I had to cancel on him...this was his response e-mail:

Matt Mac Eating

Well boo on no double date when I’m up there. My sister said it had even expanded into a triple date with one of her work friends. I will be up there for a while around Thanksgiving, are you going to be around?

A few things…
1) I have nice hands
2) Paul Rudd is from Kansas City. Matt Mac is from Kansas City. I’m just saying…
3) I just referred to myself in the third person. I’m that cool.
4) I’m under 6 feet.
5) Confidence has never been a problem.

There ya go, we’re a perfect match. My ’99 Camry might be a problem though. But I don’t have a small d**k that I have to compensate for, so I think it’s all good. Did I just say that? Woops…

That's just funny, funny stuff right there...

And...why in the world would any man read this blog and still want to date me?!? Weird...men are weird. Input kids?

Love ya...mean it!

~robyn bradshaw~

psst...

2008-10-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

I think C2 just sort of refered to us as a "couple"...

I better not tell him about Brad then huh?

hahahaha!!!

Oh...I am so so excited!!!!

2008-10-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

I'm really seriously going to send in a video audition...I wanna go on a date with Brad Garrett!!
Check the youtube...this is only one episode...you should watch them all. I tried to imbed it but I am obviously not as tech savy as I think I am...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpdyooJz1_w

A little taste of "C2"

2008-10-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

Okay...it's fair to say that I can't stop today...Every time I finish something at my desk, I think of something to jump on here and blog.

And I hate to keep anything a secret...unless it's about me personally of course. ;)

So here is a sequence of e-mail's from "C2" today...it's even funnier when you realize how completely "metro" he can be, over dinner on Sunday he filled me in on the best and worst fashion info in his Gentleman's Quarterly magazine this month...even touching on his favorite, the Dolce & Gabbana ads in all their gay glories. He can also teach you more about Religious History (or his studies on it) than anyone I have ever met...wicked, wicked smart, very well educated...and so completely random, I can't help but kind of dig it.

Bare with the randomness...not that it should surprise any of you...

C2: "Oh I'm sure it will crack me up. There are some thing that I find hilarious that you don't know about yet. I'm working up to it.On an unrelated not....you ARE a taco! I got you good you fucker!!"
Robyn: "Okay...I actually just laughed out loud at my desk...nice.
So what are these things you find hilarious? And how is the "working up" going for ya?
I'm still chuckling...speaking of Chuckle...does anyone call you Charlie? I'm random...deal wit it."
C2: "Oh my dear...we have yet to approach random : ) I have rarely been referred to as Charlie. I grew up in a military family so "Charlie" = Viet Cong. As a matter of fact I refer to most people of Asian heritage as "Charlie" or "VC". My mild forms of racism will either entertain you or make you really mad. It'll be fun to find out which!!"
Robyn: "So I just got an email that I can become a CSI agent in just 6 short months online...super badass!
Actually, how's that for random?
And try me with the racism...
And sometime, let's pop some Viagras and watch Super Troopers with raging, mega-huge boners."
C2: "the last time i smoked grass in like 2002 i was high and watching super troopers and rubbing one out in my buddies basement while eating some christmas candy. weird."
(p.s. I had no idea he had ever smoked pot...doesn't seem like the type at all! But the rubbing one out didn't surprise me. haha)
Robyn: "Holy crap...I just peed a lil bit. Freakin' Hilarious!!! Wait...Where was your buddy? bahahaha...still laughing"
C2: "he was sitting on his bed....i was on the floor.....there was a sock laying next to me....it got dirty....i woke up with candy on my face....i was very proud"
Robyn: "You're not right...Being weird is sexy.
By the way...I have seriously got the giggles right now...I can't stop. I've even wiped away a couple tears, fo real yo."
(background on the "____ is sexy." Charles is a big fan of telling me that everything I do is sexy...well played eh?)
C2: "if being weird is sexy then i'm the sexiest man alive. we'll sit back some evening and i'll tell you some stories that will turn you white....most of them have names like the great underpants caper of 2002 and the gang bang gone wrong....you'll be impressed i think. come to think of it, you handled that picture of me holding the possum really really well."
Robyn: "The anticipation of these stories might kill me!!! The possum thing was mild...all I really wanted to know was how one goes about catching the possum, the exact technique to bring, you know...in case I ever feel the need to impress the boys at a backyard bbq."
C2: "next time you and i are out and about and come across a possum i'll snag that bastard up for you!!!"
Robyn: "Such a Casanova you are...how does a girl get so lucky?"
C2: "just fate motherfucker....just fate."

If you didn't laugh at us at all...well...I'm just confused, which is weird for me because I haven't been blond for like a year now.

Playin Catch-Up

2008-10-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

So I am actually eating lunch at my desk today...so after a week long blog break (and possibly loss of several followers), I am spending my lunch break here typing more nonsense in an attempt at entertaining you...
I have a problem...a serious mental problem.
Okay, I firmly believe that men and women view relationships and the opposit sex completely differently in a lot of ways...and honestly, although I can be a complete girly girl in some ways, I have always had a slightly "male" view on relationships. I mean, I have been swapping vulgar sex stories with Carl since we were 15...well, he might have been 17 before he had any to contribute...but you get the point. (love ya...mean it carlton!)
Here is the problem...this 10-11 months of being single (longest amount of time since I was 15...sad I know) has turned me into a complete guy in the way I view the opposite sex...stay with me here.
I have developed this thing where, if I see a guy who could even possibly have characteristics that I might dig he turns into a HUGE PIECE of MEDIUM RARE CHOICE CUT BEEF. I am literally always 1 compulsive moment away from making cat calls like a construction worker. A guy (who in all reality is probably married and for that reason alone NOT MY TYPE) is running in the park and I am am licking my lips. I look EVERY single half way decent guy up and down like they are quite possibly put on this earth strictly to satisfy some need of mine...
As most of you already know...I would never act on any of this...at least never make the first move...but I have become "that guy" in far too many ways to explain...
It's terrible...I know, I think I have on more than one occassion licked my lips unvoluntarily and possibly even let out a quite "MmmmMmmmMmmm"
Help.

Hey Needham!

2008-10-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

So, I am a tid bit fascinated with that whole "Live Feed" thingy...it has everything to do with my need for attention...but whoever you are that keeps coming here from Needham, Mass...post a little shout out in my comments, come on...you can do it. I posted a blog about you for cryin' out loud! And if you are male...show your face! ;)

Totally not what you're hoping for...

2008-10-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

So, the question of the month has been, "What is 'your type' Robyn?" Honestly I don't know that I have ever really thought about it...I don't know how to even define a type...I do however have a list of things that totally turn me off...they are as follows:

Ugly hands (why not start off shallow)

No drive/goals

Worries more about other peoples faults than there own

Being void of any form of humor
In general, "traditionally hot" guys like Brad Pitt do NOTHING for me...I don't need a pretty face, I want a man.

Not realizing how freaking hot of a catch I am (this may be a personal favorite of mine. heehee!)

Taking themselves/life too seriously

Driving a girly car, or a new (anything after the '70's basically) sports car.

Not being able to take things seriously
Being over 6'...strange...maybe, but tall guys tend to gross me out a bit...sorry, jeesh...leave me alone about it.

If they are cocky, who are they trying to convince? Me or themselves?

Lack of confidence

And on that topic...I have a pretty clear gage of the difference between Cocky & Confident. Confident people never have to tell you how good they are at things...you just know. Cocky people tell you all the time.

So, basically...I have decided that a PERFECT example of my type is the most popular member in my spank bank...Mr. Paul Rudd...Mmmmmm...I need a minute.

And I will...eventually get around to blogging about "C2"...things are still pretty fun with this one...am I making you crazy yet?

She loves ya...She means it!
~robyn bradshaw~

On a scale of lame to rad...

2008-10-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

That date was WAY freakin' rad.
I have to be up really early...so you will all have to wait until tomorrow night...

ohh the suspense...I love it.

Love ya...mean it!
~Ms. B.~

Alright kids...

2008-10-09T21:13:00.001-07:00

So, I am beyond tired right now and probably shouldn't be writing this while sleep deprived, but we will give this a shot anyways. I have been getting some grief about the amount of time that it has been since I blogged...so here is a little bit of what is going down.

"Bud Guy" lost his job at Budweiser...can't be easy to get fired from the job of delivering beer... in a truck... to bars, but he got canned and text me last night to tell me the news. He probably knows about the blog too and wanted to make sure I changed his name, well "Bud Guy" here you have it ..."Unemployment Check" really wants to meet up for drinks again sometime (his exact text was "When do I get to see your gorgeous face again?"... lame.) Which I suppose we could do, except I have a feeling unless Miller or Coors are hiring delivery guys...he is going to be short on beer funds. (which is funny to say because his old funds came from beer...see, tired.)
We will see about "UnE Check", as usual, you know I will keep you posted.

"SDo2" asked me today if he could take me to lunch or something Sunday...I told him I would let him know. He is super nice, but, I don't know that I really want to invest too much time. It's weird, we will see. We are however going to get the boys together at the park again next Friday...that, I know will be fun.

Aaaand...because I'm never one to disappoint my blog followers, and the majority vote was for finding a new man. I did. Well, let's be honest...I don't find them, they find me. I am the prey, never the predator. His name is gonna be...hmmm...I don't know yet, let's go with "Charlie 2" original, no...his name is actually Charles, as far as I know, no one calls him Charlie...but I think the fact that there is a second one already in the books...is going to make for interesting comments. So, "C2" it is. Alright guys, I like this one. I haven't met him yet, but we have been emailing and he is very funny, open, smart, etc. We talked on the phone tonight and an hour into it, we were both really comfortable, and had made a date for dinner at Daniel Arthurs...interesting. He is going to pick me up, he told me to try to impress him and he promised to do the same. ;) Well, he did say that, he was joking of course, kind of. He actually said that first dates are a joke, you get this false impression at first because people try to hard to be cool and impress the other person, etc. But he promises to show me a good time regardless of sparks and all that stuff. He also said that he thinks first dates SHOULD go something more like this.
"I call you at about 7a.m., say 'wake up, I'll be there in 2 minutes, we are gonna go get some coffee and donuts and take a drive in our pajamas.' You can brush your teeth, but no other grooming, etc. You know Robyn...so you know what you are really up against here."
It's a genius idea really...but I'm glad we are doing the dinner thing anyways. ;)
GOSH, I wish you could all come along and hang out in my pocket on the date...well, a few of you couldn't be trusted hanging out in my pants, but most of you. I think this is going to be a fun one...but, my first real one. So for the first time I am kind of nervous, plus he is all normal and stuff. What if I chew too loud, or spill my wine? Ughh...the loser dates are so much easier. Sorry...I didn't mean loser "C1" ... I got nothin' but love for ya baby!
So he is picking me up and taking me to D.A.'s on Monday night at 7. He said maybe after dinner we could have a drink or go for a drive, just anything but a movie. Somewhere where we could talk, b.s., and laugh. Sounds fine with me.
Also, when we were e-mailing, he would include fun questions for me to answer in my next e-mail...here is an example, with my answers. Did I mention I kind of like him?

Okay...question time. I'll try to keep it un-cheesy...
#1. If I asked you to go for a drive on a nice day, with the top down, and the wind in our hair, and sunglasses on, and drinking some pop....would you sing along out loud with the songs on the radio or would you be to embarrassed? Well, are you singing too? Is this our first car ride? Do you love that I answered your question with a question(or2)? Yes, I would, under most circumstances, sing along with the radio...I am a big music/lyrics person, and it just feels good to sing along with the radio in the car, does it not?

#2. Would you rather have a planned out vacation, or a spontaneous trip to wherever just see what wherever has to offer? Hands down spontaneous trip, preferably with no set destination...I love that kind of stuff!!

#3. What's the funniest thing you've seen recently? See attached picture. (I put the one of my with an afro) ;) Funniest thing I have heard recently? Jay and Mason "quietly" plotting in their bedroom how they are going to get all the fresh baked chocolate chip cookies from the kitchen, into their bedroom, and all the places where they are going to hide them. haha!

#4. I know you don't have a lot of free time, but when you do, what do you like to do? I know that seem generic, but what's something you've been trying to make some time for recently, but just haven't gotten around to it? I really want to get out to a few state parks this fall and hike around while the leaves are still turning...we will see if that actually happens.
(he wrote back and answered them all too...on this one he said, "Quick answer...when are we going to look at the leaves")

#5. Do you consider yourself better one on one or in groups? Depends on the situation I suppose. I love being surrounded by family and friends, so the group thing is always fun, but one on one can be awesome too, depending on who the other "one" is, and if you have anything to talk about. (which I usually do)

There....that's 5 good questions I'm curious about : ) You're turn to come up with 5 questions smartypants!

BONUS QUESTION!!! I don't pretend for a second that a pretty girl like yourself doesn't get a little bit of attention....I bet I'm not the first person to respond to your myspace. I'm so curious....what do other guys write in their emails? Are the polite or do they say dumb stuff that makes you roll your eyes? Okay, this question is definitely my favorite...and not just because you called me pretty...but it helped. haha. Okay, seriously though, 80% of them have said dumb stuff that made me at least shake my head and laugh, I don't think I really roll my eyes, but maybe. You would be surprised at the things that some men will say to a women that they don't even know. It's a little awkward this whole myspace/online thing, but, I have made a couple of really cool friends through there as well...so take the good with the bad I guess. I think your emails have been my favorites so far. :)

Okay...again, I write way too long of blogs...I am shocked that the 3 of you are still reading this. ;) And I'm still wishing the crazy Wrist Fetish Russian would pop back by and tell us how he really feels.

So what do you guys think? No poll this time...I am selfish and want lots of comments.

Love ya's, Means it!
~It's Robyn...Ms. Bradshaw if your nasty.

Oh, Oh, Oh, I forgot something...I am going to Des Moines on Saturday to hang out with Jill and Travis and watch some college football, while there I will be beginning the second great reason we wanted this blog. The "lifelong bachelor" critique. So a guy is like completely un-marry-able, he is forever a bachelor, and his mom/friends/ex-girlfriend want someone to figure out whats wrong with him and guide him to fixing above mentioned faults...they hire me. Well, I guess Jill really wants me to meet this guy she (and now I) endearingly refer to as "Man Whore" hmmm...this should be an easy critique. But, non the less, I will blog about all of that on Sunday!
Peace out loves!

I shouldn't feel bad...this is the idea right?

2008-10-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

So after having zero dates/date offers since Monday... with that boy we are no longer talking about...I had a couple of, well, lets say "meetings" today. I don't really want to call them "dates" because for one, although the name of the blog implies I would...I don't think I actually could...go on two dates in one day. And for two, they weren't really dates...they were however meetings.

So let's get down to it:

"Bud Guy"

Height : 5'11" ish

Age: 30 ish

Well, after about a week of trying to meet up sometime somewhere, he asked me again today if we could meet up for a beer (shocker there...if he makes me drink bud products...I will laugh in his face)...and alas, I was available. So I actually met him and about 6 of his male co-workers at PrimeTime at about 3:30 this afternoon. When I got there it was a little funny "meeting" him with all the guys, but I just sat down, ordered my COORS LIGHT and started chatting. Three minutes into it the waitress came up and said, "Whoa! What's going on? You guys never let ANYONE sit with you!" haha! Does she think I am just anyone? ;)

Over one beer we covered everything from the Cubs, Hawkeye's, Cutting Hair, Why those darn porn pop-ups come at such a rapid rate once you hit a bad site (does anyone else know what we are talking about?...Carl, you've got to), Ford vs Chevy, The North Scott Lancers (who no one at the table knew except "Bud Guy", we beat his baseball team in the State Championship his senior year! and I laughed in his face! haha), and that "Bud Guy" likes French Toast, Waffles, and Pancakes...in that order.

When I pulled out of the parking lot to leave I text him and said, "I saw that big ugly Ford in the parking lot." (he has a new 08) He replied, "You should see the inside" ... nice. (boys are funny)

3 Minutes later he text, "So do you wanna see me again?" to which I replied, "Haha! ...sure." and he wrote right back... "I would love that!" Not bad, not bad.

20 minutes later he text, "So do you want to see me tonight yet?" ... I didn't reply... why? because I was with "Single Dad of 2" .
(insert guilt here)
Okay so...

Pro's:

Smiles a lot...who doesn't love that?
Humble...or seems to be so far
Funny
Laid back
Seems to have his stuff together
Persistent, but doesn't try too hard

Con's:

Michigan/Cyclone fan
Cowboys Fan
Hates the Cubs
Drives a Ford
Can only drink Bud Light (barf)
Probably wants to tap my rockies (nice huh Jenni?)
Don't really know anything about him.

We will see what happens from here...Stay tuned!

and now..."meeting" #2:

"Single Dad of 2"
Height: 5'10" ish
Age: 30 ish

Similar situation in some ways...I am a busy girl, and he had been asking when we could see each other...I honestly didn't have any days open for a while. Well, Wednesday he text me to see how I was doing, and to ask what the boys and I were planning on doing this weekend. I told him all of our plans, Duck Pond on Friday, Pumpkin Patch and Swimming on Saturday. He commented that the duck pond sounded like a fun time. I caught the hint but played coy, and said, "it is, the boys and I love to go over there." He said, "maybe the boys and I could show up out of the blue on Friday." I said, "That could be fun!"

(on a side note...the boys will not be meeting anyone as my boyfriend...unless they are a really freaking serious boyfriend...but there are always single dad's at the park with kids that the boys play with, so what's the dif right?)

So, last night the boys and I went and bought a loaf of bread for the ducks and when I picked them up from daycare tonight, we headed straight over to the duck pond at Noelridge. As we were under full duck & goose attack (all three of us almost in tears... I am convinced that give the right chance every last one of those geese would turn on us and become man eaters.) my phone rang and wouldn't you know it...it was "S.D.o.2" and I looked up and he and his two adorable little boys were walking across the field towards us. He had a big grin on his face, and I don't care what anybody says, a man who is good with his kids is automatically more attractive than not. He's cute.

So, his story, I don't really know...what I do know is that he is newly single like myself. His boys are Toby (turned 6 about a week after Mason turned 4) and Levi (turned 2 about two weeks before Jay turned 2...and they are the exact same height/build and both toe-heads, awww. haha) He is a great dad from what I can see. He seems to just have a really good attitude about things. And probably is just in a rush to have a woman around the house again to cook and clean...and why wouldn't he. It's the exact same reasons I am looking for a husband...well cooking, cleaning, mowing, shoveling, and sex...but about the same. ;)

Okay, back to the night. Well, Jay and Levi both were bitten by geese (Jay got a surprise attack up the rear, and Levi got a couple of fingers swallowed by a mean old gander) so the duck/goose feeding thing was short lived...luckily there is a huge park there too. The boys just clicked and started playing together great, which honestly is all that matters, that the four of them had fun! I had a blast pushing them all on the swings, and chasing them around the playground with "S.D.o.2". Toby already knew my name when they showed up...which was pretty cute, he kept saying, "Hey Robyn...watch this!" it just really was a good time...so much so that before I knew it, it was dark and we had been all there hanging out for over 2 hours. We said good bye, the boys all gave high 5's and we parted ways. Nate told me that I could call him later if I wanted...I didn't. I don't know why, but I still have this whole "Girls aren't suppose to call boys" thing in my head from my momma. Hope he doesn't take it as me not being interested, or me being rude...

Anyways he text me a couple of hours later and said, "thank you, the boys and i had a good time", I text him back and I said, "we did too!". That's as good as a call right? haha

Alright...here it is:

Pro's:

Really good with his kids
Smiles a lot...again...I'm a sucker
Said something really sweet when we talked earlier this week "It's so much fun having boys, I love it...but sometimes I still wish for a little girl" I don't even know if I would want a girl...but for a guy to, well, that's just freakin cute.
Mature
I get a very sincere vibe from him
Shows interest, but is very laid back...never pushy...never really has to "try"
I'm really pretty comfortable around him...he doesn't act nervous or make me nervous.

Con's:

I'm sure there are some...I don't know why he is divorced yet...but it generally takes two peoples faults.
He wears wranglers. ;) I actually don't see this as a con...but most of you will. haha
I wish he would call me instead of him always asking me to call him...and me not do it. ;)
Okay, and this is just going to sound rude...but...I don't really care for the name Toby :( there, I said it...I feel bad about it, but it's true. Maybe I could get over it.

I'll keep ya posted...holy crap how long was this blog? That's what I get for going to two "meetings" in one day.

Who loves ya...and means it?
that's right...
~Ms. Bradshaw~

p.s. that pic is hilarious right...you know in the spirit of keeping their identities private (and in the spirit of entertaining myself) I used his face and some dude from the 70's hair and body...loves it!

Oh My Gosh!

2008-10-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

This has absolutely nothing to do with my blog at all...so I will try and make it relate to my blog.

If a date shows up in one of these and has a nicely wrapped gift for me containing one of these...I will marry him! (well if he is also hot, smart, funny, kind, spiritual, silly, community minded, giving, considerate affectionate, and crazy about me.)

I have been pineing for one since my mom threw mine in the dryer on high heat and made me cry 21 years ago...

that's right...the hypercolor t-shirt is back biznatches! What!? What?!

but don't call it the hypercolor t (so 80's)...it's thermochromatic (so 00's)

and what do we call this decade...We say, "remember back in the 80's"...in twenty years will we say "remember back in the o-o's" (pronounced "oh oh's")? I've been wondering on that one for a while.

where can you get yours you ask? http://www.americanapparel.net/

I'm Inspired...

2008-10-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

Since I am dateless until the possible "fowl feeding frenzy" on Friday afternoon, (holy Dr. Suess sentence) and my pro's and con's lists have some new found fame...I will turn the tables and make the lists about me. Plus, everyone knows I just hate talking about myself. ;)

Why I am a hot commodity:

Large Rack

My parents blessed me with a pretty great smile...that I use A LOT.

On that note, I am a dang fine breed...have you seen my kids?

I like to boogie...if you know what that quote is from we should date...and I have an booty shake that makes Shakira blush.

I have a Great job!

I laugh a lot and EVERYONE can hear it. (some wish they could bottle it up...some wish I would shut it up)

I like to keep things light and optimistic (optimistic in an intelligent way, I am not one of those girls that is naive and thinks everything is great with the world, yet I still think it could be...if we all had better attitudes.)

I come with free haircuts for the lifetime of the relationship...most guys dig that.

I rarely cuss...it takes a lot of vodka or a REALLY bad mood, or hanging out in Southern Iowa with T & Jill. (If you have ever been to southern Iowa you will understand...it's just a must)

I'm always looking to have a fun time...even when it seems impossible.

Carl says I have DSL's (hope my mom isn't reading this) haha! ...how many shout out's is Carl gonna get?

I love my kids more than life itself...and I LOVE being a mom. (I suppose that could be a "con" to some people...but if it is...they are sad.)

I have an exceptionally high IQ...yet you wouldn't probably guess it...I have never been accused of using it. haha! It's a 142. If you are curious you can check yours at http://www.testriffic.com/iq/

Why No One Should Want to Date Me:

For starters, I just made a list of why I think I'm great.

I have more baggage than Angelina Jolie-Pitt will when Brad leaves her for the next hot hollywood chick.

I blog about my unknowing (well, except that one guy) dates for all the world to see.

My laugh is obnoxiously loud

I have absolutely no money

I don't put out...on the first date (that was a joke...I don't put out on the second either...haha)

I laugh even when it is rudely inappropriate...I have no control.

I have no control

I love vodka...good vodka, I am a self-proclaimed "Vodka Snob" Mmmm give me a bottle of good Russian or Polish Vodka and I have no control...but it should get entertaining.

Sometimes I smoke, especially when drinking with Jill & Holly...or if I am really stressed. I will quit (again) soon.

Speaking of tobacco...I actually like Copenhagen...I have only dipped 4 times in my life...but honest to goodness I liked it. haha

I am just weird...see above bullet points.

I am random...excessively

I do almost everything excessively

Speaking of excessively...I use the "ellipsis" Way...too...much.

Well, that's about enough of that...hope you all are having a good week...I will update you on my duck date Friday night/Saturday morning.

Love ya...mean it!
~robyn bradshaw~

p.s. I am totally gettin famous off this b.s.
http://www.mattmacblog.blogspot.com/

p.p.s. scratch the whole "intelligent" thing, I just did spell check and I had spelled intelligent wrong. hahaha! I love me some me.

The Lighter Side of Dating...

2008-10-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

Okay...I think it is time we take this blog back to the fun place it once was...
It really never was designed to be an offensive, angry place, but what blog would be a good blog without the occasional heartache and drama...like any good love story.

So, let's get things positive and move on...

I am from this point on actually using alias names for my dates, I hope this doesn't confuse me. ;)

I am only going to ruthlessly put guys down if they absolutely have deserved it...and even still we can most likely find a funny/not so hurtful spin to put on things.

Tonight "Bud Guy" is stopping into D.A.'s for a couple drinks, which is a very cool, pressure free way to break the ice. Hopefully I am busy, but not too busy, and get the chance to chat with him a bit. He seems very cool...laid back, funny, etc. If anything we should get along on the friend front.

"Single Dad of 2" asked if he and his boys could run into me and my boys at the duck pond on Friday...how fun is that? Total safe zone, the boys and I feeding ducks, they doing the same. We get to chat, maybe the boys will even chat and make a couple of friends. Very safe, can walk away if it's at all uncomfortable, but we have talked before, and he seems like a genuinely sweet guy who adores his boys and all those fun things.

Wish me luck!
Thanks for reading...and let's have some fun already! ;)

~robyn bradshaw~

Three Blogs In One Day...who's addicted?

2008-09-30T14:07:00.001-07:00

Okay, so...I spent the majority of my day feeling like a complete jerk...and although I will still stand behind the fact that my blog about why I was over Charlie and Andy, was unnecessarily rude, I was just trying to entertain...I will be a little more selective in my methods of entertainment from this point on, and if the person who I am using to entertain actually deserves any of us laughing at their expense. And, I do think I deserved some retaliation, but I got a bit more than I deserved...and thank you to all of my friends who ACTUALLY know me and convinced me of that.

I have a mission for my readers...figure out how in the world this blog can be located without direct web-address. Jill and I have been working on this for a while...me starting the day I opened the account, Jill starting this morning when we I figured out that I had been figured out. (sweet sentence huh?) Anyways Jill has come to the conclusion that I have been bugged, either my phone or my car...or both. We were almost so convinced of this that we whispered as we laughed about it today while I drove in my bugged car talking to her on my bugged phone. Regardless if I wasn't bugged...google has let me down for the first time in a long time... sad really. Oh and when you google me...don't forget to read the Chicago Tribute article about me skydiving...shameless plug, I know, but after the "written beating" I took this morning...I am all shamed out.

Oh and, for those of you in the Cedar Rapids area...I am slinging drinks down at D.A.'s on Wednesday night and the Bud Guy is coming in...you can be incognito across the room and witness what will be a great blog I am sure, first hand!

Love ya all...mean it!
~robyn~

Update...
So, right before writing this blog, I followed Jill's suggestion and changed my myspace mood to: "Robyn wonders if anyone knows how a girl can get de-bugged" "Curious"
...and well...
I just got a response from Charlie...it goes as follows and I seriously just peed my pants a little bit...
"the bug on you was actually a micro transmitter that you ate in dinner the first night you came over. it 'should' have passed thru you by now. if not...u might want to contact a doctor.course then you'll have to find the several other ones i planted in your car last night..."
and I was worried about Iocane...

A public appology...

2008-09-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

the message I received this morning...

"oh robyn.you silly funny little girl.i know you're prollie going to put this in your blog...so i'll try to make this as breif, mainly because i dont feel like contributing to the entertainment of your audience.i've known about your blog. for uhm...pretty much after the first day you wrote about it? i mean seriously...did u think that i wouldnt get curious and look around when some random ass girl off the internet said she wrote one about me?sadly...i've given you probably 30 hints to the fact that i've known about it...but still it never caught, so i played along. i was soooooo close to caving over dinner last night. i even rehearsed a little speech along the lines of some king of pontus inthe early 100BC era, who was completely paranoid delusional psychosis, had a huge fear that he was going to be poisoned by many of his servants or people around him. so he invented a system of slowly administering different poisons to himself in an attempt to gain a partial, then full immunity over time. it was known as mithridatism, named after his namesake mithridates, and has been a proven method to work. then say somthign like that iocane, while a novel idea, would take up to 2 years to dose up a tolerance level, while arsenic is one that with multiple daily doses can be built up in a matter of weeks. *all truth btw*and how you can dose up a large meal with enough of the toxins to kill up to 30 men in minutes, but the person with the immunity will walk away with little more than a tummy ache.i mean...imagine dropping that bomb while having a pre-bingo dinner with you and your friends...so how's your dinner taste robyn?instead i just acted like a pompous jerk to see if i could possibly annoy you, but odly enough you seemed to enjoy yourself thru the evening. so i kept laying it on a little thicker, and a little thicker. serisouly...who burps right in their dates face? perhaps just a good show on both our behalf's?i was really hoping for a 3rd date, with your friends along this time so that i could pull out all the strings and really give you somthing to blog about...but u denied me that...and i feel a little hurt inside. not that you dont want to see me again...but that i really missed out on an opprotunity to shock and disgust a large group of unsuspecting people, who think they're getting one up on me.oh and get over yourself. i wouldnt 'pine' over you for more than a few hours, because i've learned that there's multiple millions of women out there, and if one dosent work then you just move onto the next. and that's not bitterness or anger from knowing about the blog...that's just life my dear. i've seen more tragedy than you could possibly fathom, and it'll take alot more than a cute face to ruin my day.i do think you are rather twisted in the head, and try to hard to hide that fact with a sweet smile and laughter.embrace it robyn...you'll never be happy until you find someone who really accepts you for who you are. and if you're one sick twisted fuck who loves to play mindgames...then you better find someone who is the same.whats really fucked up...is that i think i started to like you more when i found out all of this. meh...if you ever feel like giving it another shot, this time for real...no hiding behind a wall, but just be your fucking self, then i'm game. if not...then its been real, and its been fun. but i wouldnt say its been real fun.p.s. i push up my glasses alot because they're old and the pads dont work worth a shit anymore, i'm getting a new pair in a few weeks so bite me.lots of love,charlie"

Every word of it is true...he wins, and I'm quite proud of him.
Like I said in the last blog, he is too nice for me.
I am a butthole.
I have decided to stop trying to get laughs at other peoples expense (unless they actually deserve it, he did not) and start writing this blog about all the reasons why I am un-dateable.
I actually think it might make for a much more entertaining blog.
Charlie, I'm sorry...I'm sure that holds little water with you right now, but I am. Notice, I even poked fun at my own non gay, BFF Carl. (By the way Carl...shout out #2...the boat salesman bit was a direct quote from your brother-in-law...you know just like most of the b.s. on this blog, we didn't mean it...and I love ya buddy.)

Love ya...mean it!
~robyn bradshaw~

p.s. If you wouldn't mind giving a shout out to Charlie in the comments...and make it funny, something he will find funny...maybe even include a few senseless digs on me, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

One Large Mess of a Recap...

2008-09-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

I don't have much time so I am going to test my wpm skills right now... (do guys dig chicks with skills like haircutting skills and wpm skills?) You know I type this stuff...and the minute I hit "post blog" I am almost positive that no one laughs as hard at these as I do...

Boys I'm Over & Why:

Charlie:

He's so far from being my type, it's almost as though he is that creature from the movie Cloverfield...
I only wish I could end things as easily as they did in the movie Cloverfield. I would love to just stop answering his calls and emails...but although I am mean enough to write this blog, I am not mean enough to do that...please comment with great closing lines to use on a guy, all I can come up with is, "I have herpes...you don't want to date me." It works because instead of making him feel like it's him, and having him pine for me for years to come he becomes overwhelmingly un-attracted to me and his pride is still in tact. The next girl will seem great as long as she has a pulse and is std free. We both win.
None of you have seen Cloverfield...because you haven't been on a date with a Sci-Fi fanatic...go ahead, rub it in my face in the comments page.
He says that he is "so confident and cool" ... aren't we all? The fact of the matter is, he is trying so hard to appear confident and cool that it is having the exact opposite effect...a warning to all men reading this blog: We (women) are fine with imperfections, it makes you real...we know that you have them, you admitting them every now and then (but not too much) in a playful joking matter is 100x more attractive than acting as if you don't have them.
I am too much of a jerk for him...see above comments. He is a genuinely sweet guy who likes me possibly way more than he should...in returning favor, I write snide little blogs about him all over the Internet.
Here is another example of the last comment: He pushes up on his glasses all the time...JUST LIKE STEVE ERKLE, do you know how many times I was 2 seconds away from asking him if he wanted any cheese? Okay, and I felt SOO bad for him when a girl blatantly mimicked him doing it right to his face last night. Again...he is too nice, I am a jerk.
Burps really loud in front of me like it's not even gross...
He is a felon
He doesn't own a car, and has never even really considered purchasing a house.

BurgerKing: (let's face it none of you remember his real name)

I don't want to "Have it his way"
He is 22, acts 17
Texts me vulgar, perverse things (which I ignore) and he has never even really met me.
Called me at 1:07am last night...who the heck are you dude?
Burger King
I really have no desire to date some guy who takes pictures of themselves half naked in front of a mirror. The idea would be to find a man who likes my body more than he likes his own.
And as Mr Mac said...he is a car salesman, almost as sad as being a boat salesman. (haha...love you Carl...p.s. there is your shout out!)

New Boys on My Chopping Block & Why:

"Single Dad of 2":

Mature
Father of 2 boys
Calls when he says he's going to and not any more than that. (yes there is a fine line here...and I may be more like a guy in this aspect than most girls)
He is willing and able to take me out to a nice restaurant for an actual date...
We will see...

"Bud Guy":

Funny
Cute
Wants to "be my Coors Light can" (even though he delivers for Bud) He won't get to be, and I'm pretty sure he knows it, but it was a funny line anyways.
Owns his own house
Owns a new truck...YAY for boys with trucks!! (except it's a ford..boo)
Taking me to dinner on Sunday...we will see...

The Above Mentioned Mr. Mac:

Although sort of a joke, I did get a date offer in Kansas City from Carl's brother in Law Matt, he reads this blog, so I think that would be WAY breaking every rule in the "dating slut" rule book.
But he is funny and you should all check out his blog if you have the time http://www.mattmacblog.blogspot.com/

Alright, this was pretty lame...I promise to have more fun details in the near future!

Love ya...mean it!

~robyn bradshaw

B.I.N.G.O. (Back In Ninja Gear Ohhh...)

2008-09-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

(In "Charlie's" defense...his ninja costume was just that...a halloween costume)

Okay, so the ninja is back..."and you know that he'll never be wack" (at least 2 of you will get this reference.)

Come one come all..."Charlie" and I are going to the American Legion on Monday to play a little bingo, and he asked if I would like to "bring some friends to meet the felon"...if anything, THIS has got to make for an excellent blog come Tuesday morning...am I right?

Who doesn't love bingo? And to play it in the presence of a ninja/ex-con, well now...why would you miss it? I'm getting my daubers ready now...

Oh and a few other Charlie related things, he has given me quite the list of reasons why it's destiny (bahahaha...sorry it's hard to type that and not laugh...ehhem.):

We are both Polish
Everyone knows that Pisces and Taurus are the greatest love match of all time. (huh?!? ...well I googled it and it's apparently true, although luckily there are hundreds of other Pisces' and Taurus's...now that's just fun to say... around town)
We are smarter and funnier than most people he knows (I don't know if this can even count as a compliment or not...who does he know?)
He breathes, I breath...we are like SO much alike.

I'm sure there have been others, but these are a few favorites of mine.

Also, he knows about the blog, I refused to give him the site to actually read it, but he knows about it. Pretty sure the fact that his mug shot is on it and that I told everyone about his shady past had him almost pissed...but I played it off as "all in good fun". Even told him that this blog was gonna be so big that he may want to start selling autographed copies of his mug-shot on e-bay...here was his response:

"u better believe i'll sell signed copies of my mugshot till i'm filthy rich...i'll sell out like disney.maybe i'll use some of my profits to take you to burger king too"

On that note...I gotta stop having such a big mouth...

Love ya...mean it! ...serious.

~robyn bradshaw~

p.s. if you are down for a little BINGO monday night shoot me an email at robynbradshawdates@hotmail.com

Chill people...

2008-09-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this little fun adventure that Jill, Tera and I came up with as a means to mostly entertain the three of us (and possibly a few other people), has attracting some negative attention from a few people, possibly more than I know about.

So, listen up all readers of the "dating around blog":
1. I mentioned in passing to my 2 closest friends that I was ready to maybe go on a date, or at least be open to the idea of seeing what is out there. (no, not be hit on at a bar, or taken to a bar for that matter...actual, mature, adult DATES...you know, like burger king)
2. I and the 2 previously mentioned friends tossed around the idea of how weird/entertaining it was going to be to go on dates because:

I haven't been on a real adult date in my life. (meeting at a bar for drinks is not a date, then again neither is Burger King)
There are more weirdo's out there than good guys.
I'm not 21 and naive to the ways of men anymore and therefore have quite the upper hand (sorry to my 3 favorite boy followers...but it's true)

3. The above said friends are both getting married, just as I (always known as the old married one) is ready to date again...to say the least, we all three though it could be fun to keep track of all the insanity that goes along with the dating scene. side note: none of the 3 of us have been single in our 20's...this is a whole new thing to us.

There is more but quite frankly, I feel good about what's going down on this blog. I am not getting physical with these boys...I am having dinner and/or fast food lunch, and seeing if it's true that all the good ones are married or gay. (Ohh...how fun would it be if I got a married or gay one? jokes, don't e-mail me and yell about the married thing...it was a joke)

Listen, the fact of the matter is, this is a joke more than anything...I am not trying to "date everyone in the tri-county area" and no, you shouldn't be "SO disappointed in me".

Anyone who hasn't given me their negative take and rained on my fun little parade yet...save it ;)

Let's get back to the crazy boy drama mama!

For all of you who are enjoying this little window into the world of finding yourself single again in your late 20's...thank you! Become a follower in my quest to weed through the mess of "there must be a reason he is single" men out there and you will not be disappointed.

Also on a happy note! I know for a fact that there are still really good guys out there, single & straight...This girl is just gonna make a little fun while in the process of finding one of them!

Love ya...mean it! ...serious.

~robyn~

Oh, Oh, P.S. Does anyone else get a little laugh out of the fact that I put their real names in quotes as though it is an alias? Get's me a chuckle every time.

The Second Date that wasn't...

2008-09-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

gonna switch it up a bit and place the pro's & con's at the end...for dramatic effect ;)

Okay, I understand, the idea is to go on ALL date offers...regardless of how pathetic or awful the offer, but even Robyn Bradshaw has her limits...

If...(and it's a small "if" because he will)...he asks again...I will accept.

"Andy"

Sept. 23-?

Location: Let's save that for the story...

(Ummmm...yum.)

So, now that you have finished staring at the love muscle located above, (does he have a face? I didn't see it either) here's the story...

My second date was scheduled for lunch on Tuesday, he called 20 minutes before we were suppose to meet to let me know that his co-worker just got a flat tire and he wouldn't be able to meet me, and asked if we could reschedule for tomorrow. Of Course! (you are hot with your shirt off) and he was sweet, apologized again (several apologies actually, but just enough to not be TOO much) He said, "I will call you later, k? Thank you. Have a good day hun." Hun? Really? Are we there yet shirtless hottie...okay...call me whatever you want. Oh...and I have developed a thing about voices...his gets 5 stars out of 4. I can expand on this voice thing in a later blog...let's get down to business...

He did call later, and text several times...one of them said, "Missn u"...hahaha!!! Um, we've never met. Boys are funny.

The next day he called and asked if I could meet him for lunch again today to make up for yesterday. I said of course, but seriously, he works at the car dealership that touches my work parking lot, he drives a flipping BMW...and he doesn't offer to pick me up? Weird...yes, but I can top it...He asks me to meet him at.....wait for it....wait for it...

Burger King

Again...I wish I could make this stuff up. Are times tough in the car business? I'd like to think not that tough! I laughed, LOUD. He laughed too (super cute laugh, almost made up for the "Have it Your Way" date offer) and said, "I know, I know real romantic." Well, I said I would MEET him there, but 15 minutes before the "date", if you can call it that, I called him and told him I couldn't get out of work...I lied. I feel slightly guilty about it (especially because when I placed the call I was in line to get my soup and salad from the Coffee Emporium) but I couldn't bring myself to meet some guy for a first date and stand in line with him to order our whoppers! Was he even going to fork over the $4.95 for me to get a large fry and drink? Ugh.

I'm over this blog.

Pro's:

Looks real good with his shirt off
Has a super hot voice
Drives a BMW (although I like boys with trucks)

Con's

You have to wear a shirt at Burger King
Doesn't even offer to pick you up to take you to Burger King
Drives a BMW
Burger King
Burger King
Burger King

I'm out ladies...until next time...

Oh...and don't forget to vote on both dates and comment on the blogs! And feel free too set me up with friends and family members who you don't mind me bashing all over the Internet ;) Send date requests and any other random things to: robynbradshawdates@hotmail.com

So much for dipping my toe in the water first...

2008-09-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

Well, my friends and curious date followers...I did it!

The first real date in years...actually, if we are only counting my adult life...my first real date, EVER.

And instead of being cautious and careful, say, meeting for coffee, or in ANY public place for that matter...

I went to his house and we cooked dinner. That's right...Head first...just like I said. So here are all the juicy details:

"Charlie"
Sept. 22, 2008
Location: His Place...

(haha...that's his mug shot...no joke)

Pro's:

6'3"ish
In very good shape...yeah.
Jack of all trades (self proclaimed, but I'm starting to believe it)
Very Funny!!
Non-Smoker
Non-Drinker (may be kind of hard to get used to)
Exceptional Cook

Con's:

Fitness Fanatic (half of his kitchen was overtaken by at least 15 large containers with things like, creatine, whey protein shakes, so on and so forth. Half of his living room was overtaken by exercise equipment) So he was big and a little intimidating...except I ain't scared of nothing.
Has served time...seriously
Non-drinker (that might be hard to get used to)
Into Video Games and Ninja's (what?!?)
Can't eat anything with flour in it...but still, can cook really well without it.
Say's he has studied "Hypnosis through Conversations" for 16 years...so possibly hypnotized me and I don't remember a dang thing except what he wants me to... The best quote from the research I did on "conversational hypnosis" was this: "through this technique of 'assisted will' you can get whom ever you choose to do what they want to do to please you." ...really? Creeeepy. (and I must learn how to do this)
(See my google ad at the bottom of this posting to find a site to learn more about his topic)
Definitely still has some skeletons in his closet...

After pretending to play hard to get for a couple of weeks via e-mail, he convinced me to come over and cook dinner with him and watch a movie at his place. (maybe he can hypnotize "assist my will" via e-mail...interesting...I'm going to google this idea and get back to you.)

So, I told him I had a horrible lisp, you know the one I do that "schoundsch likesch thisch" he didn't really buy it, but told me that I may have uncovered some deep hidden fetish he had for girls with lisps...so that back fired. So the date was still on, I was to come over to his place at about 6. He wouldn't tell me what we were cooking or watching, so I was in the dark...and the mystery of it was kind of fun, I love surprises! (unless they involve weird strangers answering the door on a first date in a ninja costume...he didn't, but he owns one...wish I could make this stuff up)

I arrived, he was nervous...You all should be forewarned, I don't really get all that nervous very often, but if someone around me is visibly nervous or embarrassed...I get nervous or embarrassed...ick, such a terrible feeling. So I just walked in like I owned the place and asked, "What are we cooking and where do I start?" (Be assertive Robyn, but don't make too much eye contact...give him time to relax) He told me where to go and what to do, and I politely obliged...I don't think I was hypnotized yet, he wasn't even talking enough to consider it a conversation. (Make small talk Robyn, start with stupid things you've done lately so you aren't so intimidating...let's face it I was intimidating him...not quite sure why yet.) So, as I stuffed mushrooms with some awesome crab/shrimp stuffing he had already made and possibly filled with Iocane ( Iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows) and is a poison that kills you instantly...but he may have built up an immunity to it over the last several years so that when I eat the mushrooms, I die...he lives. I kept stuffing them anyways. I told him about all the dumb things I had done lately, like, jumping a fence to skinny dip in a pool on Friday and had the cops called and come pull me out...naked. He wasn't impressed with me, I didn't even get a ticket. So I asked...
"What's the worst thing you have ever done?" ...wow...no idea what I just got myself into...

He said, "Do you really want to start off with the worst?" ... well heck yeah I do!

Long story short...He's a felon...made a ridiculous amount of money in his younger years running a popular plant from New Mexico to Cedar Rapids, IA...got busted on the Arizona/New Mexico border with $100,000.00 worth of that popular plant...
Wish he was kidding, but he wasn't. He said, "Listen Robyn, I wouldn't touch the stuff now for anything, I don't even drink...a lot of people have things in their past, some not as bad, but I really think it's what you take away and make of your future that make the difference."

Fair enough.

Still...I'm cooking dinner with a felon. So, being one to always try and make light of the subject, I say, "I love the movie Shawshank Redemption...was jail like that?!?" He laughed, "It was more like that than it wasn't like that." I really was less nervous now than in the beginning, strange I know...oh...maybe he had hypnotized me by this point. haha.

So, we made homemade crab & shrimp ravioli, while I filled the ravioli he started desert...it was all so well organized and I'm not gonna lie, kind of impressive, you know...for an ex-con.

The food was awesome...and when he opened up the freezer and pulled out two chilled wine glasses, I said, "you don't drink." He said, "I know but I have already broke about 10 rules for you tonight just by having you over and cooking this meal." So he had one glass, I had the other 3 (It's how I roll). I called him out on going and buying all kinds of stuff for this dinner, like the wine glasses, kitchen table and pasta machine, etc. He laughed and admitted that he went a little overboard trying to impress me.

We watched a movie...he got to pick (sort of) Cloverfield...nice Charlie, make me scared in hopes that I will snuggle in for protection (he obviously doesn't know me that well yet.) I did jump once...he did the stretch/yawn/put his arm around your shoulder thing...I laughed...loud. Haha..sorry, but THAT is FUNNY.

He walked me to my car after, stole a sweet little kiss or two, and asked me if he could have my next Monday too.
1. I am too nice and like kisses way too much.
2. I am too nice and have NO idea how to say no, so I told him I would have to check my ever busy social planner.
3. Next week I either have to come up with a really good excuse, or spend it with him...(I'm undecided at this point)

There you have it ladies...date numero uno. I did it...they have to get easier after this one right?!?

Let me know what you think...of course your input is going to make this blog all the better...

Love ya...mean it!

~robyn bradshaw~